Argh

Well, it all went a bit downhill since Saturday. I, basically, went completely insane and ate everything in sight. Awesome progress.
I have just come back from McDonalds (!) and I am resolving to do better from now on. I'll give my body a couple of days to get rid of the cheese, salt and general overeating bloat and then I will start to focus on shifting the weight that I have inevitably put back on.
I didn't make it swimming, and I think that I might be permanently chickening out of that one until I have lost a couple more stone at least and  I would feel better about, undoubtedly, running into everyone I have ever met whilst in a swimsuit.
I have been running 3.2 miles and doing at least one additional hour of exercise per day, however. I am hoping that this in some way will help dial down the backlash of the last few days.
Ugh.
I feel like crap, my stomach is not happy, and I can feel my body wishing that I hadn't started doing this. I have woken up every morning since Saturday feeling full, which has not happened to me since I was able to cut back on bingeing and eat healthily - y'know, back when I was trying to lose weight and not eat myself into an early grave.
My desire to exercise hasn't gone away though, which is a good thing, right? I've been getting lots of fresh air and trying to get more sleep when my poor stomach will let me. I've been reminded of what it was like before and I wish I could say that I don't want to go back. I don't want to go back to feeling bad both physically and mentally, sneaking food, deliberately ignoring my body's natural cues until even it can't keep it straight any more and being fat, fat, fat. I can't say that eating all that food and just giving in to each and every temptation wasn't totally delicious though, and it completely fed into the dark, bingeing side of my personality that had been keeping quiet recently. All the urges to eat more, the cravings for random junk and the inability to cook the healthy dinner from the ingredients right in front of me instead of going out to eat far too much shit came back. In full force. And they had missed me. And, truthfully, I had missed them. There is something about snuggling up on the sofa to watch trashy TV and eating your way through two bags of popcorn, a whole multipack of crisps and then ordering dominos and eating the whole pizza, wedges and dips that I just love. And I miss it. It sounds so stupid but it is comforting and familiar.
Ugh.
I'm not sure whether to weigh in this weekend or not. Seeing the 13 back on the scales on official weighing day would kill me and kill my motivation. But. I do need to know. I've (obviously) given up on losing 6 lbs by next week. Just making it through to next week as unscathed as possible is my only current goal.
Healthy dinner tonight. Go for a run, do your work out DVD and get those weights going for a beautiful sculpted body. Tomorrow is another day and you can do this.
All comments welcome, always.