Re-arranging my priorities and goals

I came to a realisation last week that I am sick of being single. In fairness, I have been sick of being single for years now, but I have not been able to make myself or any single male do anything about it. I'm sick of being the third wheel, sick of people dancing around asking me if I've met anyone, sick of avoiding questions and sick of wondering what is wrong with me. Sick, sick, sick. I'm fairly oblivious and I tend to assume that people don't like me and aren't interested in me that way. I am 99.9% sure that I have been correct in these assumptions until now, but I need to change that. I desperately want to get married, have kids and settle down ultimately. I know you aren't supposed to be seen as desperate, but really, there is only so much that someone who has been single for 4 years can do to cover up the desperation. I am too nervy to come across as desperate, I think, but if not I really can't do anything about it. If one more person says "That's ok" when I say that I'm single or asks questions like, "is that your choice?" I'm going to lose my fucking mind.

With this realisation, I am altering my goals and motivations. When I hit 11 stone (in 12-13 lbs from now) I will officially be in normal BMI. In just 4 more pounds from that I will have lost a grand total of 5 stone and be at my original goal. Obviously, my new goal is 17 lbs even lower than that. But if I continue at the rate I am going, around 1 lb a week but not every week so let's say 3lbs a month (on a good month), that leaves me with 11 months to lose the next 34 lbs at the rate I'm going.... Gulp. Major gulp. That will mean I've been doing the weight loss dance for 2 and half fucking years. Probably longer though. Jeez. So new motivation; at 10 stone 10 I am going to sign up for and embrace internet dating. It is only 17 lbs away, and I have already lost so much more than that. If I can average 2 lbs a week then it is just 2 months to wait. I could have a new boyfriend for Halloween ;-) It's really driving me, and I think it will be more of a motivation and reward than boots or perfume. There hasn't been anything stopping me buying these things, but I won't have the guts to sign up to online dating without having the body and photos to show without losing weight first. I really, really don't want to be single anymore. I want someone to appreciate this body I have worked so hard for! And I keep finding really coupley things I want to do, but can't do by myself or with a girlfriend. Maybe relationships shouldn't be a weight-loss bribe but maybe it has to be this way. If i can lose another pound this week, then I will have only 1 stone, 14 tiny little pounds until I hit my goal. 7 weeks if I work really hard and get 2 lbs a week. If I were to lose more then it would be quicker, but I really do have to be honest and say that short of illness I don't think my body can do that right now. And I don't want to be ill ;-)

I need to make an update post that I weighed myself this morning and it was 11 stone 11, hence why if I can lose 1 lb before... Friday (I'm going away for the weekend) I will have lost a grand total of 4 stone (and I'll probably lose my mind when that happens) and I'll only have one stone, 14 lbs until I can get a dating life for the first time in .... well, ever. Fingers crossed.

11 is sticking!

Hopefully not in a permanent way like the bloody 12s but in a definitely-11-stone-not-a-blip-on-the-scales type of way.  1 lb down (actually just a few ounces but it still counts!!!) Which isn't as much as I'd hoped but it's something and I'm pleased.  There's more I want to write about but I wanted to get this down in black and white before I stop believing it : 11 stone 12!