Starting over

I feel sick. I started this blog a year and a half ago weighing 13 stone 5. I weighed myself this morning at 13 stone 4. I worked so hard to lose more than two stone. More. Than. Two. Stone. And where did it get me? No fucking where.

I've just re-read a post where I was 8 lbs from 10 stone 10. 8 lbs. Just 8 tiny pounds. Now here I am, 28 lbs away from that. What a waste. A waste of time, effort, everything. I'm disgusted with myself. I know how I got here though and I know how to get back. Now I just have to get back.

On the plus side, I'm a fitter 13 stone 4. I'm about to run a half marathon and I can see that the fat sits differently on my body than it did last time around. God, last time around I swore I'd never see these numbers again. Well.

I've done it before, I can do it again. Here goes. 13 stone 4 and counting down. Again.

2014's beginning - week 1 again

In the hope that it is a temporary regain due to no exercise and crappy (mostly dairy-filled) eating,  I'm not going to change my tickers. 6lb seems a bit much to me just to be a temp Christmas regain bit realistically I haven't been to the gym at all, I've only been running twice and I've been eating, well, constantly. Also dairy really fucks me up so probably 1 or 2 lbs is dairy bloating. Here's to getting back on the weight loss wagon and starting my healthy cooking today!

Week 47

I've had a few weeks of bad period-related  bingeing and general illness and malaise. I've tried really hard to control myself and to balance out binges. I've skipped a lot of exercise too and felt worse for it. Exercise is now an important part of my life and it really affects my mood and behaviours positively. I've even had a weekend away with friends and bought a dress. I even wore the dress in public!!! I had some positive weight loss comments that made me feel good. I'd noticed my arms looking a little slimmer and I decided to do one last weigh in before I turn my scales in until 2014. And I got a little Christmas surprise: 11 stone 4! Only 8 lbs left to my original goal and my target to start online dating. If I can get on top of a new year health resumption I could lose that in just January. Just 8lbs left until I have lost 5 stone. I'm so happy and proud.
My holiday eating plan is to stay as healthy as I can until Christmas Eve. From Christmas Eve dinner until Boxing Day lunch I'm going to eat whatever I want with no guilt. I'll keep my exercise up and start off my cooking kick for the new year. My new years resolutions revolve around weight loss and saving money. I hope to keep it up. Happy holidays everyone!

Week 42 - good news!

I've worked so hard not to binge this week and it's starting to pay off! First of all, I feel much more in control which helps in many physical and psychological ways.  Secondly, I managed to beat my personal best in the 5k again this week. Thirdly, I've saved so much money by not buying binge food. Finally, I've lost 3lbs. Yeah, baby!

11 stone 7, and that's yesterday and today just to make sure! If I can keep it up and lose even 1 lb a week I can be 2 stone down by the end of the first week of December!!! A part of me wants to hit 11 stone and a normal bmi rating by the end of the year, you know, start 2014 as I mean to go on - a healthy weight! However, slow and steady wins the race and I know putting too much pressure on myself makes me want to binge and that's not an option.
I'm going to carry on with plenty of exercise and working hard to stay strong and not binge this week. A binge free week is what I'm aiming for and the weight loss will come in its own time!!

I'm going to take and post photos later just to mark the occasion.

4 stone lost!

Today's scale reading:

Officially 4 stone down, however I had a pizza for dinner last night (bad girl) and I think there may still be some residual cheese/salt bloating. Also my period is still clinging on for one last day, so I think there is a possibility that I might lose a few more ounces if I weigh myself tomorrow. I think that will be my plan! 

New progress photos:

I got all emotional thinking about being 11 stone 5, and realising that would make me 2 stone less than when I started this blog.I have done some comparison photos, as I like seeing them, but I am excited to do the next set when I will have lost 2 stone from the beginning of the blog. These are today's comparison photos, today's weight on the right, and the photos from 13 stone 5 (side) and 13 stone 1 (front/back) on the left:

This is the first time I've been able to notice a real stomach difference. It just seems really noticeable here, on the side views, and I know that I have even been noticing little differences in real life so I'm pleased and long may that continue.

Right, well, I'm continuing with the exercise (shaved 2 mins 20 secs off my personal best at the 5km run yesterday :-) ) and NOT BINGEING. I've decided this is non-negotiable and I'm working now on reducing the over-eating that I do to break the binge habit. I'm pleased with my progress this week, though, and I have even been able to eat my way around a few treats (plain chow mein and prawn crackers from the chinese takeaway on Friday, and a personal Domino's cheese & tomato pizza with a few wedges yesterday) - I said when I started this that it was a 'weight loss journey' but also a 'path to healthy habits'. That means something I can sustain my entire life and that means periodically eating treats without everything going to hell in a handbasket so I'm proud of myself. Another pound down! Four stone from the beginning - it is hard to remember being 15 stone 10 now. I'm so happy.

Week 38

Wow, I've just counted back and this is week 38 of my blog. If I was pregnant the baby would be arriving about now!
I've managed to lose three pounds this week so I'm back to 11 stone 11 -where I was back in August but that's ok. I want to finally get lower next week and I'm confident. My willpower is much better, I split a pizza in half and saved half for dinner and I ate it with vegetables and didn't binge or anything. I had one double milky way for dessert and that was it.

I've found a great load of recipes to cook for my meals until Christmas and I'm quietly confident. A friend has invited me to do a 5km run every week so that will be great. I just need to keep up the exercise and good eating and not bingeing next week and I hope to see that elusive 11 stone 10 next week!

Just for reference, I started out at 13 stone 5. I'm now 1 stone 8 lbs lighter. It's taken me 9 months to lose 22 lbs, works out about 0.5lbs a week. And I still have 32 lbs left to lose. Gulp. It can't take me another 9 months, God help me. 

This week's weight:

11 is sticking!

Hopefully not in a permanent way like the bloody 12s but in a definitely-11-stone-not-a-blip-on-the-scales type of way.  1 lb down (actually just a few ounces but it still counts!!!) Which isn't as much as I'd hoped but it's something and I'm pleased.  There's more I want to write about but I wanted to get this down in black and white before I stop believing it : 11 stone 12!

Heeey there 11!

Once again after some toilet dancing there is a change.  1 lb down and into the 11's y'all!!!! This is in spite of a carb heavy week with cakes and chocolates on the last day of term then a bbq in the evening where I indulged with a burger in a BUN and some delicious fancy bread and a piece of cake. I avoided the jacket potato but I have caved and eaten crisps or popcorn on several occasions this week and I went to McDonald's at least twice.  I've been to the gym nearly every day though so hopefully that balanced it out. As it is only a few ounces to the next pound down I might try being extra good today just to see if I can be really strongly into the 11s tomorrow.  I'm v excited to see the 11s as it so close to my end goals now but I know I'll feel a lot better about being firmly and not just tentatively into the 11s. Maybe a new post tomorrow!

So. Close.

For the briefest of brief moments, the scale flashed up 11 stone 13 today. It didn't last before settling at 12 stone 0 but it was there. So close I can taste it. I am 1 more pound down now and even my mother's noticed. The 3rd person to have commented in a year and a half of weight loss. I think it is because my stomach is finally going down, incrementally but going down nonetheless. I'm going to do progress photos later today once my camera has charged. If all goes according to plan I could start next weekend off in the 11 stones. Gulp. that would be brilliant! At the moment I have a mere 8 ounces to go, but work ends on Tuesday so if I can work my butt off this week and crack the 11 stone barrier I will weigh and post immediately! This means I have lost 1 stone 5lbs since starting this blog in January. pretty good going, right?
I'll post later with photos.

Summer weather weigh in

It's finally sunny and I'm at the beach ready to start feeling a bit more body confident now that I'm about 2 and a half stone less than last summer.  I'm not feeling fabulously confident (if anything
I'm probably feeling worse) but I did lose another pound this week.  For reasons I don't fully understand, I measured myself on a few different scales and obviously I got a few different results.  I'm deciding just to stick to my normal scales and not upset myself.  Even if the other scales day something else, I can't deny that once upon a time I weighed 15 stone 10 so they're is definitely a decrease,no denying it!!

So, 12 stone 1 this week.  Better than nothing! I'm  desperately hoping to crack the 11 stones next week. .. fingers crossed!

Summer countdown is on: T- 2 lbs

Ok, last weigh in had me at 12 stone 4. Last weekend I ended up going crazy and eating everything. It was just one of those unstructured weekends that always throws me into this. I am also seeing a pattern with my period approaching (got it now) and the beginning of this week was a huge bitch - I had headaches, stomach cramps, general grumpiness and lack of patience; unfortunately I'm starting to see that the period I worked so hard to get back is not too happy to have returned! I'm guessing this is what people always refer to as period pains and general period unhappiness?! Even when I was much, much younger and still had a regular-ish cycle I never got these symptoms. Maybe they will ease off with more weight loss.

So, in spite of my horrendous performance last weekend and even though I am on my period right now, I am TWO POUNDS DOWN!!! This is the first time I have lost multiple pounds in one week in a very long time. Also, since I did weigh myself last weekend and it had gone back UP, (I think it said 12 stone 6 on Sunday morning), I'm assuming that actually I have lost more than that, although it was possibly just bloat. Anyway.

I'm so pleased because since Monday theoretically, and Tuesday in earnest, I have done a mild low-carb, high-protein diet. It has looked something like: scrambled eggs, mushrooms and tomatoes for breakfast, chicken or some meat, cheese, veggies and fruit for lunch and some kind of meat with vegetables for dinner. Any snacks in between have been those Fridge Raiders chicken bags or some kind of fruit thing. I have also had the odd bit of wholewheat toast, and a veggie burger with no bun, and even some cakes and danish pastries this week! I know low-gi is the preferred diet to treat PCOS so I'm guessing my body approves. Last night and today I have over-indulged on bread and biscuits, so the rest of today and this coming week I will be strictly back on the wagon in order to continue my downward trend. If I can do 2 more pounds down this week then I will realistically be able to see myself in the 11s in the summer!!! I have upped my exercicse a bit too. I have allowed the  same amount of time, but I've increased the intensity a little bit. I do feel like my body is working well at the moment - maybe I'll even drop a little more weight when my period water retention is over for this month?

Fingers crossed for two more pounds down this week. As I am losing weight my stomach looks more and more disgusting. I am interpreting this as a good sign, that the fat is breaking down and turning into soft lumps ready to be burned off. At the moment the bottom part kind of folds into a triangle and the top bits make waves over the triangle. It's truly bizarre. The FUPA doesn't seem to be going anywhere though, haha! I wonder if there are specific exercises for that?!

One more pound down

It is my nephew's birthday today so knowing that I would be consuming vast amounts of cake and other crap I pre-emptively weighed myself. One more pound down! This is great, and I am glad that the scale is finally moving, even if it is not moving as quickly as I would like! I am trying to remind myself how grateful I should be as I am so devastated whenever I don't lose - I'm a bit cross with myself actually that I still seem to be making this difficult for myself.

So, the scale photo just to prove to myself it is going down:

I think I might take some more progress photos as I can see various differences. I am looking forward to being 12 stone 3 as I can officially say  I've lost 3 and a half stone then! Which I know is really good, but there is still so very much left to lose. I'm excited about approaching the 12 stone mark too. Then it will be just a brief jump into the 11 stones!!! WOO HOO!!! Only 8 lbs left until the 4 stone lost mark. That's nothing ;-)

I'm not-so-secretly desperate to have a great week this week and lose like 5 lbs, but 1 pound will still be a great achievement. I'm going to cling onto my secret hope though, just in case it guides me out of bad eating or guides me into a bit of extra exercise. When I do work at it I do get results. This is maybe what I should get tattooed on myself!!!!

One pound down again

Hooray!! One more pound down again - 12 stone 5. Even the ounces almost line up after a bit of well-timed toilet visits and jumping about a bit inbetween weighings!

So, something is going well at the moment then. This week has been a bit crazy as it was my birthday last Monday which necessitated eating out on Saturday, Sunday and Monday nights. Then there was the leftover cake and birthday chocolates. Also all that eating out threw me into a bit of a tail-spin and I had McDonalds twice after that. I managed to restrain myself yesterday and I think that  all the junk food made my body remember why it didn't like junk food any more, and I was actually craving the banana I had planned with my dinner after my workout yesterday. Crazy times! Today I have a big meal at a buffet planned so I did the weigh-in this morning again, to avoid any demotivating artificial inflation tomorrow morning. Seems like it is turning into Magical Saturday! This week I am going to be extra good. No eating out (I can't afford it anyway) and I'll be able to go to the gym at least 4 times including yoga tomorrow. I wanted to go swimming last night after my workout but I forgot that my gym closes early on a Friday. I bet that would have gotten rid of those last 6 ounces to push me down that extra pound! Still, I am beyond happy that my weight not only didn't go up but it didn't stay the same - it went down this week! Happy birthday week to me! I'm so excited about the slide down into the 11 stones now. I can't wait to be able to start counting in the 4 stones lost, instead of still the 3 stones lost category.

Right, once I locate my camera I will do some more comparison photographs as I find those very helpful. Here's hoping for at least a loss next week and maybe a big one!

Less than 3 stone less to lose now!

It has been three loooong weeks since I last weighed in or wrote anything. Can you guess why? I bet you can. Go on, give it a go. No, it is not because I magically lost 42 lbs overnight ( I wish). It is, of course, because I lost absolutely nothing. Zero. Nada. Zilch. Zip. Nil.

Today, I am weighing in as it is my birthday on Monday so much celebrating commenced today including, of course the immense eating of cake and other bad treats. So, I wanted to give myself the best shot possible! Today's weigh in included a loss of 1 lbs!!! Which is good, as it is the first anything I have lost in three frigging weeks, but I had been hoping for 2lbs and so I am only half way there. I'm trying desperately not to be disappointed as I don't want that to be my attitude to my weight loss journey. But I am. And I didn't get to nearly 25 years of life by lying to myself about this so I'm not going to start now. Fingers crossed that next weigh in day I am down at least 2 lbs if not 3 to make up for this week! I forgot to take full body shots to compare, so I will try to do that really soon as I think the gym is making a mark on my muscles, even if it isn't making any marks on the scales. So, official weight of 12 stone 6!

We won't talk about the dark days that stalled my weight loss. Or the fact I'm still struggling to pull myself out of them and fighting it at every moment. I have slipped into a bit of a carb-withdrawal accidentally. I didn't start it on purpose, but when I realised it I have encouraged it. I haven't had carbs for lunch 4 days out of the last week, and not for dinner on at least 3 days. I think it helped with weight loss and I didn't miss them too much. I have more than made up for it this weekend but I think I will try to keep it going through this week as it can't hurt.

I have also bought some chia seeds to try and replace the yoghurt in my morning smoothie. I think this will make a big difference to my levels of protein and fibre, and I hope to be able to cut out my morning fibre cereal as soon as the box is gone. I might weigh myself the next few days just out of interes, so if there is any positive change (such as an extra 1 lb gone!) I might weigh in again!