Re-arranging my priorities and goals

I came to a realisation last week that I am sick of being single. In fairness, I have been sick of being single for years now, but I have not been able to make myself or any single male do anything about it. I'm sick of being the third wheel, sick of people dancing around asking me if I've met anyone, sick of avoiding questions and sick of wondering what is wrong with me. Sick, sick, sick. I'm fairly oblivious and I tend to assume that people don't like me and aren't interested in me that way. I am 99.9% sure that I have been correct in these assumptions until now, but I need to change that. I desperately want to get married, have kids and settle down ultimately. I know you aren't supposed to be seen as desperate, but really, there is only so much that someone who has been single for 4 years can do to cover up the desperation. I am too nervy to come across as desperate, I think, but if not I really can't do anything about it. If one more person says "That's ok" when I say that I'm single or asks questions like, "is that your choice?" I'm going to lose my fucking mind.

With this realisation, I am altering my goals and motivations. When I hit 11 stone (in 12-13 lbs from now) I will officially be in normal BMI. In just 4 more pounds from that I will have lost a grand total of 5 stone and be at my original goal. Obviously, my new goal is 17 lbs even lower than that. But if I continue at the rate I am going, around 1 lb a week but not every week so let's say 3lbs a month (on a good month), that leaves me with 11 months to lose the next 34 lbs at the rate I'm going.... Gulp. Major gulp. That will mean I've been doing the weight loss dance for 2 and half fucking years. Probably longer though. Jeez. So new motivation; at 10 stone 10 I am going to sign up for and embrace internet dating. It is only 17 lbs away, and I have already lost so much more than that. If I can average 2 lbs a week then it is just 2 months to wait. I could have a new boyfriend for Halloween ;-) It's really driving me, and I think it will be more of a motivation and reward than boots or perfume. There hasn't been anything stopping me buying these things, but I won't have the guts to sign up to online dating without having the body and photos to show without losing weight first. I really, really don't want to be single anymore. I want someone to appreciate this body I have worked so hard for! And I keep finding really coupley things I want to do, but can't do by myself or with a girlfriend. Maybe relationships shouldn't be a weight-loss bribe but maybe it has to be this way. If i can lose another pound this week, then I will have only 1 stone, 14 tiny little pounds until I hit my goal. 7 weeks if I work really hard and get 2 lbs a week. If I were to lose more then it would be quicker, but I really do have to be honest and say that short of illness I don't think my body can do that right now. And I don't want to be ill ;-)

I need to make an update post that I weighed myself this morning and it was 11 stone 11, hence why if I can lose 1 lb before... Friday (I'm going away for the weekend) I will have lost a grand total of 4 stone (and I'll probably lose my mind when that happens) and I'll only have one stone, 14 lbs until I can get a dating life for the first time in .... well, ever. Fingers crossed.

11 is sticking!

Hopefully not in a permanent way like the bloody 12s but in a definitely-11-stone-not-a-blip-on-the-scales type of way.  1 lb down (actually just a few ounces but it still counts!!!) Which isn't as much as I'd hoped but it's something and I'm pleased.  There's more I want to write about but I wanted to get this down in black and white before I stop believing it : 11 stone 12!

Heeey there 11!

Once again after some toilet dancing there is a change.  1 lb down and into the 11's y'all!!!! This is in spite of a carb heavy week with cakes and chocolates on the last day of term then a bbq in the evening where I indulged with a burger in a BUN and some delicious fancy bread and a piece of cake. I avoided the jacket potato but I have caved and eaten crisps or popcorn on several occasions this week and I went to McDonald's at least twice.  I've been to the gym nearly every day though so hopefully that balanced it out. As it is only a few ounces to the next pound down I might try being extra good today just to see if I can be really strongly into the 11s tomorrow.  I'm v excited to see the 11s as it so close to my end goals now but I know I'll feel a lot better about being firmly and not just tentatively into the 11s. Maybe a new post tomorrow!

Photos and progress photos

Today's pictures (12 stone):

Haha, I've just noticed you can see my actual shoulder in that back photo. Whoops! Well, I never claimed to be a photographer ;-)

I think a difference is gradually becoming apparent. Gradually being the operative word. For funsies, I have done some progress photos. These are 13 stone 5, 12 stone 5, 12 stone, in that order:

I think my back fat looks better and my arms look smaller. I am really struggling with seeing a difference in my stomach though. My arse certainly looks (and feels ;-) ) higher, although alarmingly I think my thighs look better in the middle pictures. I think that might just be a symptom of exercise though, and hopefully it will correct itself. The cellulite makes me sad but oh well. Shouldn't have been so fat in the first place!

These ones are 13 stone 1 and 12 stone as I didn't take any front and back photos when I started off:

Yes, back fat, arms and arse certainly noticeably improved! The stomach though... needs work still, right?

Just to heighten my curiousity a final comparison without the middle photo. So a comparison left and right with 13 stone 5 and then, 19 pounds down, at 12 stone:

Ok, well I can see the difference a bit better here! The whole shape of my back has completely changed! My arse is in a totally different place! My stomach is certainly less... although the shape is more or less the same - sticking out! I need to work more on stomach toning, this is obvious but there is a difference, it is clearly there. Phew!

I wonder how it will look at 11 stone 5?

So. Close.

For the briefest of brief moments, the scale flashed up 11 stone 13 today. It didn't last before settling at 12 stone 0 but it was there. So close I can taste it. I am 1 more pound down now and even my mother's noticed. The 3rd person to have commented in a year and a half of weight loss. I think it is because my stomach is finally going down, incrementally but going down nonetheless. I'm going to do progress photos later today once my camera has charged. If all goes according to plan I could start next weekend off in the 11 stones. Gulp. that would be brilliant! At the moment I have a mere 8 ounces to go, but work ends on Tuesday so if I can work my butt off this week and crack the 11 stone barrier I will weigh and post immediately! This means I have lost 1 stone 5lbs since starting this blog in January. pretty good going, right?
I'll post later with photos.

Summer weather weigh in

It's finally sunny and I'm at the beach ready to start feeling a bit more body confident now that I'm about 2 and a half stone less than last summer.  I'm not feeling fabulously confident (if anything
I'm probably feeling worse) but I did lose another pound this week.  For reasons I don't fully understand, I measured myself on a few different scales and obviously I got a few different results.  I'm deciding just to stick to my normal scales and not upset myself.  Even if the other scales day something else, I can't deny that once upon a time I weighed 15 stone 10 so they're is definitely a decrease,no denying it!!

So, 12 stone 1 this week.  Better than nothing! I'm  desperately hoping to crack the 11 stones next week. .. fingers crossed!